Getting Back to Our Roots without Tearing Them Out

Besides my weakened edges, (brought on by the tight pontytails of my tween years) I have been blessed with a full head of growing hair. As a child, I had hairstyles consisting of variations of one to four ponytails, braids pinned to the top of my head, tons of bobby pins and lets not forget the inches of ribbon hanging from each braid (my grandmother bought them in bulk). My grandmother was unskilled in the art of cornrowing so I was instead subjected to painful combing on a daily basis. Washing was what I could only describe as a suffocating mini-drama. The early years had me laid across our washing machine (it sat next to our porcelain double sink) with my head hanging under the raised faucet. The later years saw me standing over the deep sink while my long tresses and steam stifled the flow of air to my lungs (I was well into my teens/early adulthood before I could wash my hair in the sink without having to carefully think through each breath). My grandmother had done everything under the sun to her hair (she described it as having "fried and died" her hair) and she refused to let anyone get near me with even a THOUGHT of a hot comb let alone anything that came out of a lab - that was until about the fifth grade.

Somewhere around my eleventh year, my grandmother could no longer take my anguishing cries for mercy and with much pain in her heart, sent me to a trusted beautician for a "kiddie perm". I thought it was neat that a fine toothed comb could run from root to end without losing any teeth! I was able to get the "cute" shirley temple styles and I didn't look like the "sun" when I washed my hair (This was what my cousin said during our childhood to describe my hair after it was washed. He annoyed me with that). Beyond this teasing, I was never made to feel like there was something wrong with my hair. On the contrary, I was always told that my hair was beautiful. I heard this from family, friends and strangers (I point this out for a reason).

Fast forward three years. I am now in high school and have already grown tired of the process to which my hair had been subjected. I was not very good at taking care of my hair and had experienced breakage at the very back of my hair at least once every year since I had begun relaxing it. I decided that I would reclaim my natural roots. I had become very taken by locs and approached my grandmother with the idea of letting me loc up. Let's just say the conversation including the words "not" & "under my roof." I was unfortunately ignorant to what going natural meant. Before long, my hair was at battle with itself and after about four or five months, Dark n Lovely prevailed. It was very disheartening but I resigned myself to the burning of the "no lye" relaxer and the $10 Dominican wash and set to seal the deal.

Fast forward to college and I was finally on my way to my first set of locs (i have had two sets and will undoubtedly don a third... maybe even a fourth during my life). The first few months were trying but patience prevailed and I soon had the natural beautiful locs I had always wanted. Now, due to some personal reasons and direction from my Father in heaven, I had to do some searching and went through some cutting. During that time I have rocked everything from a big afro, twists, a boy cut and even a short curly fro. This brings me to the heart of this blog.

Having lived on both sides of the fence, I know that natural is the way for me. I love myself in every way and don't feel the pressure that some black people feel to have to straighten their hair. While saying that, I in no way look down on the sista who wants to press, perm or rock her weave. It is a blatant fact that black people have been systematically made to feel inferior to the whiter world in which we live. So many of us are brainwashed to the extent that we perpetuate these thoughts into our own children. I have heard black people make comments, in the presence of children, about "good" hair, nappy hair, and many other ignorant statements that point to natural hair being less than desirable. I despise any action that results in any person feeling inadequate in any way! You might say that because of this any one with true consciousness should embrace their natural self and reject the trend of pressing and perming because of where and why these things are in existence. I hear that and in many ways agree... but where's the balance?

I am a woman. I am a black woman. I am a black, conscious woman... and guess what? sometimes I like to rock a headwrap with a skirt and sometimes I like to rock an afro with my converse and then there are those days where I like to put on a pretty dress with four inch heels... I LOVE self expression. STOP thinking that every woman walking around in a weave and extensions is closeting self hate. Contrary to the stereotype, I have plenty of friends with long, thick hair who occasionally get a weave just so they don't have to do their hair during the summer or while on vacation. I'm aware that this is often the exception and not the rule but our attitudes have to change. Don't define me or others by your issues. I'm tired of us beating up ourselves. LOVE yourself. Teach our youth to love who God made them. Love your brothers and sisters. If we could just do that, we wouldn't spend so much time tearing each other down and we would really be able to reach that sister or brother who has been taught to think that they are imperfect the way God made them. Let's question conformity but let's not get so caught up in our personal causes that they cease to inspire change and instead become destructive.